Loss & Grief : Animals
The year 2017 has truly proven to be possibly even worse than it's predecessor 2016, both on a political and personal level for myself. I'll save the gorey details of 2016 in terms of my personal life for a later blog post, when I'm ready to share. Right now, I just want to process some very real grief I'm going through. Maybe it'll serve a similar catharsis for people who've experienced similar loss.
This pick is of Tootse licking what was left of potatoes, cheddar, and smoky links. She enjoyed it very much.
She also got along well with another pet of mine now gone for a couple years, my Greyhound Rock a By Tunes, Tunes for short. Tootse and Tunes, even flows well and sounds adorable together. I sadly have no pictures of them together, so trust me when I say they were a cute pair. They would snuggle together, and outside they'd take turns chasing each other around the pool. I'll talk about Tunes more in depth in a different post someday.
Tootse also enjoyed being cradled, great position for belly rubs.
Ok, I feel the waterworks wanting to break free, but yet they won't. I hate this inbetween of stoic numbness yet feeling tears that won't quit form. PICK AN EMOTION BRAIN! Am I numb, or am I falling apart!? This strange feeling of both is very frustrating!
Anyway, Tootse had for some few years developed these little fatty benign tumors on her body, until one of them was no longer benign. She had surgery to get rid of it, but sadly it came back within a short couple months after. Everyone was hoping she'd last till after Christmas, however the tumor suddenly decided to grow faster than it originally was...and Tootse's quality of life rapidly deteriorated within a few days. So her loving human family took her together to the vet, and ended her pain.
This photo is the last time I saw Tootsiers, I fed her a many burgers, smoky links, cheese, and whatever else she wanted knowing she wasn't going to be on this plain much longer.
I love you Tootse, sleep well.
Ok...the last one...my Mom and I's beloved Daisy, our calico green eyed beauty.
Oh what would you do with a dollar? A dollar? A Daisy! Remember that commercial for Daisy brand sour cream, we often sang that to her.
We met Daisy when I was roughly ten years old, at a Pet's Mart store in Illinois with my Mom. We originally went there looking to adopt a kitten, and we did find one, while Daisy was in the cage beside the litter. Mom was taken by those big green eyes, and loving personality almost instantly. So we took the kitten Jan, and Daisy out of their cages and let them sniff each other to see if they'd get along.
Daisy instantly snatched Jan's face, we all gasped thinking she was being aggressively but then sighed with relief and joy to see that she was grooming the baby like it was her own. That was that, we had to have them both! A couple days later we took them home.
It took some time for them to get used to their new home, as we already had a cat, and a big dog. We kept them in Mom's office for...I don't remember how long? Allowing them to get used to each other's smells before meeting face to face, as one is supposed to when introducing pets to new pets.
One day going into the office to give them some affection, I found Jan suckling on Daisy. Of course Daisy had no milk, but she purred happy to be Jan's pacifier. When I told my Mom and nanny they didn't believe me at first, till I brought them into the room to see for themselves. Somewhere I have pictures of Jan trying to nurse on Daisy, but they're packed away in boxes somewhere and I don't know where they are.
Though I do have a few more recent pictures of them together on hand. Here's one! ^
Daisy and Jan were truly inseparable, they loved each other very, very much. It's funny because Daisy never bonded with another cat, we've had other cats since and she never gave them anything more or less than a hostile hiss to them. Mom and I agree that they were meant for each other.
Mom believes Jan had already made peace with Daisy's passing before it ever happened, as her surrogate mama had been ill for some time.
As for my other fur baby Kindle, eh, they tolerated each other at the best of times. Daisy never let Kindle bully her and was quick to swipe back whenever they clashed. Though I do think there was some mutual if not begrudging respect between them too.
Daisy loved people, every visitor whether they be friend, family, or even foe she greeted with sweet meows and rubbed against their legs. She enjoyed be held too, either cradled like a baby, or positioned so she could squeeze her paws over shoulders to hug back. Like in this next picture!
Daisy was often noted for her beauty, her calico coloring with green eyes really popped out to people. An artist friend of ours was once so inspired by her they did a pastel drawing of her once.
In the last year I noticed Daisy was becoming thinner, and thinner until I finally took her to the vet some time in late September. The vet was kind and patient with me, and had my kitty go throw a series of quick tests; blood, urine, x-ray, and ultrasound. Eventually she and the techs discovered she had a few things going on with her, she had some mild kidney disease, a gallbladder infection, and a mass growing on her liver (may/may not have been cancer).
The first attempts at treatment for all these alignments was through pills, which worked for awhile via crushing and then mixing them in her wet food. Until she decided she wouldn't eat her wet food anymore, even when we stopped putting the medicine in it. She also became very lethargic, which scared Mom and I.
So back to the vet for a follow up and of course her test results come out even worse. This time the vet prescribes steroids shots and liquid antibiotics for Daisy, and we have much more success with them.
She was doing better there for about a month and a half, personality came back and she ate a ton. We let her eat everything to fatter her up, she was barely over five pounds and the vet wanted her to gain at least one pound by the next follow up appointment. Sausage. Chicken. Fish. Ham. She even ate chicken nuggets!
But then those four nights ago happened...she kept hiding, and wouldn't eat or drink. Which was more than concerning as she loved to drink whatever fresh water was about the house, usually not hers. Mom and I fishes her out from behind the couch at one point, though it didn't occur to me she was going to leave us that very night.
Mom set her up in her little hut next to her on the couch, throughout the evening Daisy made soft yet sad tiny meows that frightened us. Yet the thought of her death was not on my mind, I only considered she'd need to go to the vet again the next day. Total denial.
At about eleven my Mom felt the need to hold Daisy close just as I was going to bed, and I gave them both a kiss before heading upstairs. About 20 minutes later, Mom called me downstairs and told me our Sweet Daisy was dying.
Fortunately it happened quickly, a couple of seizures and wheezing for about a minute then gone. I am so thankful her suffering was minimal, and she was in Mom's loving arms when it happened. She went knowing she was deeply loved, after a long comfortable and happy life.
The last few days without her here have been easier than I thought they'd be, as I'd been dreading her death since her initial diagnosis. The house feels empty without her though. I miss her.
Four nights ago...my eldest of three kitties Daisy passed away rather suddenly...and she was not the only loss of a beloved animal in my life. I'm genuinely feeling rather numb to it at this point. I'm hoping talking about these sweet creatures will help me get out of the shock and kind of denial phase of grief. So I'm going to share pictures and memories of all four of these animals, saving Daisy for last.
The first passing was of a kitty named Kitty-well her original name I'm told was Butterscotch, but it didn't stick- and I had known her since I was a little girl. The exact age I cannot recall, I do remember she was just a kitten.
This picture is of her from the last time we met in I think October, I was looking after her while my Aunty and cousins (Kitty's humans) were on vacation. You can see by her coloring why she was originally named Butterscotch. Very pretty.
We did not really get along until my teens, when I was little she was rightfully afraid of young and overexcited me. Plus I did not respect nor fully grasp personal boundaries like many children at the time. Kitty didn't get along well with any children actually, cause well...kids.
She did not like to be touched on her back or bum, all affection had to be restricted to the top of her head and ears. Also never try to hold her, never. When I eventually learned and respected this, Kitty was very sweet and communicated pretty well when she'd had enough without biting or scratching. Believe me you did not want to feel her bite. Ow!
Kitty was semi-feral as her mother was a wild cat, and she was adopted by humans when still a kitten. Being an indoor pet was not a real option for her, she was determined to room and hunt outside.
When I still lived next door to my Aunt and cousins, she actually would come over of her own accord to visit me on my porch a couple years before I moved. Mind that I lived next door for about five years before she did this.
In her last days her joints were in a great deal of pain, and she became incontinent. So her suffering was relieved and she left this plain.
Kitty taught me that love can grow between those who didn't start off exactly loving each other, with patience, and growth it can still blossom in time. Now if only I could do that with my human relationships.
Thank you Kitty. I love you. Farwell.
The next critter that left this world fairly recently was another cat, his name was Jack, and he was a purebred Siamese belonging to my step-maternal grandparents who I call Bigmama and Bigpapa. I often called him Jack-Jack, like the baby from The Incredibles.
Jack was a very loud cat, whenever he entered a room he let everyone know of his arrival with the loudest meows.
Like Kitty, he too did not care for children though so long as they remained calm and gentle he tolerated them. I was a little older when he entered my life, so we got on pretty well from the start.
He was a fairly muscular feline, close to I'd guess twenty pounds when I held him.
My Bigmama is a wheelchair user, and has her own elevator she uses in her home. Jack LOVED the elevator almost as much as she does, the door opened and he joined whoever went in. He'd rub up against your leg as he watched the clear doorway going up or down.
He also loved to be brushed, lay on Bigmama's lap, or sunbath on the sheep skin rug upstairs. Also enjoyed a good belly rub, but he'd get overly excited from stimulation and want to rough house from too much belly rubbing.
Old age, and illness were deteriorating his quality of life and so his pain also had to be ended. I nearly started instant sobbing when Bigpapa told me casually so during a family gathering, but I held it together till I was driving home sometime later.
Such pretty baby blues right?
I love you Jack-Jack. Sleep well.
This next fur baby is difficult to write about, because she past just a week before Daisy's death, so my emotions over it are much more raw than the previous two. So shit, I'm probably going to start blubbering as I digress into the pureness that was my niece Tootse. Toots. Tootsebelle. Tootsier.
Tootse was another pet of my Aunt and cousins, the same who owned Kitty.
She was a cheagle, a mix breed of beagle and chihuahua. The beagle genes showed most in her coloring, size, hound smell, and soft floppy ears. If you howled, she'd howled along with you. Her chihuahua side expressed more in her excitement, and nervous nature.
Whenever a I approach her home she barked, or perhaps more accurate she yipped with excitement until they finally entered the door. Then she'd skitter to them, jump onto her hind legs and scratch me for affection. She did this with all visitors, as she was pretty much always happy and excited to see everyone so long as she already knew them.
Introducing Tootse to new people required some care, she often peed from a combo of fear and excitement. She was calmer if I held her like a human baby in my arms, and of course advising the person I'd introduce her to, to be calm themselves.
She also was a super cuddle bug, like me so we got along from the very beginning. A kisser too, loved to lick faces and I loved to oblige her.
Tootsebelle was a master of getting what she wanted, she was very self aware of her own adorableness. She knew how to get her belly rubs, see this pic below of her spreading her soft belly out for me.
No one could resist this! No one!
One of her favorite treats was hot Cheetos, yes I just said this dog liked to eat hot Cheetos. She also enjoyed fast food, the last couple times I dogsat her I got her a McChicken or Mcdouble. I also let her clean my dinner plate clean when I was finished.
She also got along well with another pet of mine now gone for a couple years, my Greyhound Rock a By Tunes, Tunes for short. Tootse and Tunes, even flows well and sounds adorable together. I sadly have no pictures of them together, so trust me when I say they were a cute pair. They would snuggle together, and outside they'd take turns chasing each other around the pool. I'll talk about Tunes more in depth in a different post someday.
Tootse also enjoyed being cradled, great position for belly rubs.
Ok, I feel the waterworks wanting to break free, but yet they won't. I hate this inbetween of stoic numbness yet feeling tears that won't quit form. PICK AN EMOTION BRAIN! Am I numb, or am I falling apart!? This strange feeling of both is very frustrating!
Anyway, Tootse had for some few years developed these little fatty benign tumors on her body, until one of them was no longer benign. She had surgery to get rid of it, but sadly it came back within a short couple months after. Everyone was hoping she'd last till after Christmas, however the tumor suddenly decided to grow faster than it originally was...and Tootse's quality of life rapidly deteriorated within a few days. So her loving human family took her together to the vet, and ended her pain.
I love you Tootse, sleep well.
Ok...the last one...my Mom and I's beloved Daisy, our calico green eyed beauty.
Oh what would you do with a dollar? A dollar? A Daisy! Remember that commercial for Daisy brand sour cream, we often sang that to her.
We met Daisy when I was roughly ten years old, at a Pet's Mart store in Illinois with my Mom. We originally went there looking to adopt a kitten, and we did find one, while Daisy was in the cage beside the litter. Mom was taken by those big green eyes, and loving personality almost instantly. So we took the kitten Jan, and Daisy out of their cages and let them sniff each other to see if they'd get along.
Daisy instantly snatched Jan's face, we all gasped thinking she was being aggressively but then sighed with relief and joy to see that she was grooming the baby like it was her own. That was that, we had to have them both! A couple days later we took them home.
It took some time for them to get used to their new home, as we already had a cat, and a big dog. We kept them in Mom's office for...I don't remember how long? Allowing them to get used to each other's smells before meeting face to face, as one is supposed to when introducing pets to new pets.
One day going into the office to give them some affection, I found Jan suckling on Daisy. Of course Daisy had no milk, but she purred happy to be Jan's pacifier. When I told my Mom and nanny they didn't believe me at first, till I brought them into the room to see for themselves. Somewhere I have pictures of Jan trying to nurse on Daisy, but they're packed away in boxes somewhere and I don't know where they are.
Daisy and Jan were truly inseparable, they loved each other very, very much. It's funny because Daisy never bonded with another cat, we've had other cats since and she never gave them anything more or less than a hostile hiss to them. Mom and I agree that they were meant for each other.
Mom believes Jan had already made peace with Daisy's passing before it ever happened, as her surrogate mama had been ill for some time.
As for my other fur baby Kindle, eh, they tolerated each other at the best of times. Daisy never let Kindle bully her and was quick to swipe back whenever they clashed. Though I do think there was some mutual if not begrudging respect between them too.
Daisy loved people, every visitor whether they be friend, family, or even foe she greeted with sweet meows and rubbed against their legs. She enjoyed be held too, either cradled like a baby, or positioned so she could squeeze her paws over shoulders to hug back. Like in this next picture!
Daisy was often noted for her beauty, her calico coloring with green eyes really popped out to people. An artist friend of ours was once so inspired by her they did a pastel drawing of her once.
The first attempts at treatment for all these alignments was through pills, which worked for awhile via crushing and then mixing them in her wet food. Until she decided she wouldn't eat her wet food anymore, even when we stopped putting the medicine in it. She also became very lethargic, which scared Mom and I.
So back to the vet for a follow up and of course her test results come out even worse. This time the vet prescribes steroids shots and liquid antibiotics for Daisy, and we have much more success with them.
She was doing better there for about a month and a half, personality came back and she ate a ton. We let her eat everything to fatter her up, she was barely over five pounds and the vet wanted her to gain at least one pound by the next follow up appointment. Sausage. Chicken. Fish. Ham. She even ate chicken nuggets!
But then those four nights ago happened...she kept hiding, and wouldn't eat or drink. Which was more than concerning as she loved to drink whatever fresh water was about the house, usually not hers. Mom and I fishes her out from behind the couch at one point, though it didn't occur to me she was going to leave us that very night.
Mom set her up in her little hut next to her on the couch, throughout the evening Daisy made soft yet sad tiny meows that frightened us. Yet the thought of her death was not on my mind, I only considered she'd need to go to the vet again the next day. Total denial.
At about eleven my Mom felt the need to hold Daisy close just as I was going to bed, and I gave them both a kiss before heading upstairs. About 20 minutes later, Mom called me downstairs and told me our Sweet Daisy was dying.
Fortunately it happened quickly, a couple of seizures and wheezing for about a minute then gone. I am so thankful her suffering was minimal, and she was in Mom's loving arms when it happened. She went knowing she was deeply loved, after a long comfortable and happy life.
The last few days without her here have been easier than I thought they'd be, as I'd been dreading her death since her initial diagnosis. The house feels empty without her though. I miss her.
Goodbye Sweet Daisy. I love you so, so very much.
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